I believe in hope

I think the hardest part of coming to terms with my metastatic breast cancer (MBC) diagnosis these past few months has been the struggle to believe in hope.

Hope is a word I’d never much cared for, until now. It felt desperate, fictional even, imagined. For other people in hopeless situations, but not for me.

The thing I’ve been struggling the most with these past few months has not been the chemotherapy side effects or the endless hospital appointment mill. It has been winning the war in my mind. 

The war against what the “mainstream” media seems to constantly be telling me – that there is no hope for me because I’m “metastatic”, “Stage 3” or “Stage 4”, or because I have the “deadly triple negative” breast cancer. Such difficult words to read, over and over, when you are in this position.

Seeing that this view has also seeped into the minds of some of my friends, slipping out in certain questions or comments, unwittingly of course, but nevertheless slowly filling me with dread.

And then, in my dark moments, it seeped into mine.

For awhile, this ‘no hope’ mentality really pulled me down. “Why try, if there is no hope?” A little, horrible voice kept taunting me.

Until slowly, slowly, I’ve come to realise, there are also so many others that say there is hope: 

And then, hope was everywhere.

  • Accepting help and love and prayers from friends and family gave me more.
  • Re-reading Chris’s remarkable story and adopting his #nevergiveup motto gave me more.
  • Re-reading Gerry Hussey’s inspiring words in this piece gave me more.
  • Searching for new cancer drug trials coming on-stream gives me more.
  • Miracle recovery stories shared by friends and family gives me more.
  • Combining complementary and alternative therapies with my conventional chemotherapy gives me more.
  • Opening my heart to possibility gives me more.
  • Focusing on getting well and looking for the joy in every day, gives me more.

Hope is real. It’s there.

Actually, there is so much hope.

And this is why now, I am choosing hope only.

I believe in hope.

There is hope to heal my body.

There is hope to both slow down and overcome my cancer.

I choose to see this hope and grow it. My family chooses to see this hope and grow it. So many of my friends see this hope and grow it with me too.

Please join me with some hope, if you too believe.

Don’t give up on me. I will never give up on myself.

Please don’t give up on yourself.

By Happy Magazine Editor, Holly Kennedy.

12 Comments

  1. Claire Higgins
    28 December, 2019 / 9:07 pm

    Beautifully written Holly

  2. traceybenson9987
    28 December, 2019 / 9:39 pm

    So inspirational Holly ❤️
    Where there is hope .. there is life ❤️

  3. marie wallis
    28 December, 2019 / 10:36 pm

    Wonderful words Holly from a triple negative cancer sufferer. I need hope so badly

  4. Cathy McCarthy
    28 December, 2019 / 11:23 pm

    what a fabulous piece Holly. Really inspiring, so full of HOPE and comes from the heart. Its funny I always love the word HOPE. It is a tiny word but can overome anything.
    “Hope sends you dancing around corners trusting in a tomorrow that you cannot see”
    Love,, light and HOPE

  5. Geraldine
    29 December, 2019 / 8:23 am

    Holly we couldn’t live if we didn’t have hope and believe. Don’t let doubt creep in always believe in yourself. I believe in you Holly and eventhough I never met you I pray every day for your recovery. I believe in you. ❤️ Geraldine (fellow tnbc)

  6. Michael Kennedy
    29 December, 2019 / 8:37 am

    Well done Holly, I’m delighted for you. I can understand how it can get you down but you pulled through it and see a future. Facing into 2020 offers a new year with new hopes and as spring comes and we see new plants growing, new bright flowers our spirits will lift too. Be strong, be good and be safe.

    • happymagazine.ie
      Author
      3 January, 2020 / 6:53 pm

      Thanks Michael 🙂 I love the arrival of Spring too, that’s something to look forward to 🙂 Be strong yourself and keep in touch.

  7. Carol
    29 December, 2019 / 10:17 am

    Well done Holly. You are hope. I was your case officer and referred you to D. Not sure if you remember me. I follow your blog and its amazing what you are achieving. I hope that you had a lovely xmas with your family and send you warm wishes for many more. Love C

  8. Julie
    29 December, 2019 / 4:43 pm

    Well done Holly. Hope can also mean knowledge:
    you know you are going to survive. And I also believe you will.
    If I may I would like you to consider a number of over the counter supplements that I have found helps me: Nutriglucan (beta-glucan, zinc, vitamin B6) by nutrimmun, borage oil capsules, cod liver oil capsules, brown algae extract capsules and vitamin D3 plus K2 tablets.
    Keep on fighting, I am thinking of you.

  9. Susan Hogan
    29 December, 2019 / 5:42 pm

    You are amazing.

  10. Sarah
    29 December, 2019 / 11:04 pm

    Holly hope is everything and keeps us all going…hoping and wishing you well. Stay strong.x

  11. Karen
    30 December, 2019 / 11:39 am

    So true Holly. A beautifully written piece as always. Someone once said to me, if you don’t have hope, you have nothing and it has always really stuck with me.

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