A few words on joy and fear… And some music therapy

You know, not every day can be a great day. Or even a good day. Sometimes there are days with a little bit of joy, and others with a lot of joy. Since my cancer diagnosis I have learnt the importance of seeking all of the joy (big or small) in a day and taking the time, the moments, to enjoy it.

I have learnt so much from my cancer diagnosis that I can say that yes, it has been a good thing – having cancer! Really. Doesn’t that sound so strange? But there is no denying that I have grown so much as a person, I have learnt so much about real life and what is really important, I have realised that the ‘old me’ had it ‘all wrong’ in so many ways.

And that is also hard to admit. I do wish it hadn’t taken cancer to be the thing to wake me up to some of the realities of my life – poor diet, no exercise, little self-care, high work stress, shallow priorities, etc. But it was and it is and there’s no point trying to go back. Instead I try to focus on the fact that the new me is much better!

But harder though, is that sometimes I still struggle so very much with everything that happened. That sometimes, in the middle of the day, or in the middle of the night, despite all my best efforts, a terrible bit of fear grips me and paralyses me.

But I suppose that’s part and parcel of all of this. And that it may never go away. That I need to live my life anyway, despite the fear. That we all do. Brings to mind that book… ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’. That’s it.

And some days, this is easier than others.

This week I came across this song by Florida Georgia Line called Talk You Out Of It. If you’ve been reading Happy Magazine for awhile now, you’ll know I’m partial to a little bit of American Country music 😉 Well, this song cheered me up this week, in a few moments where I was feeling sorry for myself.

I hope you’ll enjoy it and I hope you all have a lovely Sunday.

PS – I need a playlist for the shower… Who does that?! I want to do that 🙂

 

 

4 Comments

  1. caroline donnellan
    August 12, 2018 / 8:37 am

    I feel that all the time it took cancer to wake me up sometimes i am so happy i could burst other times panic and fear consume me

    • happymagazine
      Author
      August 12, 2018 / 10:48 pm

      That’s exactly how I feel Caroline. It’s strange! Good to know we’re not alone 🙂

  2. Yvonne Luke
    August 12, 2018 / 11:02 am

    I’ve been on mental and physical rollercoaster since my diagnosis in June this year. I’ve been told I’m strong and I will get through this but inside I’m quaking and full of dread and non acceptance . However today I feel positive and strong and so glad I have found this backup i so need

    • happymagazine
      Author
      August 12, 2018 / 10:48 pm

      Yvonne I’m so glad you’re here. The way you feel is completely normal for where you are in the journey – it gets easier as time goes on and you get more used to your new normals. Just do what you need to do to get through your treatment. The rest will follow. And I hope Happy Magazine can help you with staying focused and positive. If there’s anything you’d like to ask, please email me anytime at holly@happymagazine.ie. Good luck and best wishes x

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